I was left in total shock and depression: Madhur Bhandarkar

New Delhi, July 5 (IANS) After "Heroine", his "most ambitious project", was put on the backburner indefinitely following the news of his lead actress Aishwarya Rai's pregnancy, acclaimed filmmaker Madhur Bhandarkar says he went into depression and that he's upset that the "truth was hidden" from him.

"This decision of pulling the plug had a devasting effect on me … It was like an avalanche collapsing on me… I was in a state of total shock and depression," Bhandarkar posted on his blog Tuesday.

The filmmaker, who has given hits like "Page 3", "Chandni Bar" and "Fashion", remained silent so far, ever since producers UTV took the decision to stall the movie for the sake of Aishwarya's health.

"It was a collective decision of the producers of the film to pull off the plug on the current assembled project…I am still reeling in a state of shock…. But still chose to remain silent all these days; but was coerced into breaking my silence… as I realised that the truth deserved to be told," he added.

Though Bhandarkar believes "motherhood is pious" and that women play an important role in his personal and professional life, he feels things could have been altered if he would have been informed even after the film's annoucement May 13 at the 64th Cannes International Film Festival.

"The entire event would not have taken place if on the onset the actress would have informed the state of her health an impending maternity. The truth was hidden from us. We learnt about the entire thing from news channels like the rest of the world that the said actress was four months pregnant and she was due on November.

"Filmmaking in Mumbai film industry is not a mere business but one big fraternity who functions on total faith and trust. The film was announced in Cannes on 13th May while we commenced shooting on 7th June. There was a gap of 24 days...even if we had known the truth behind the maternal state of the actress, things could have been reworked keeping the state of matters in mind accordingly and this crisis could have been averted," wrote Bhandarkar.

The National award-winning filmmaker, who has now gone to Amritsar to visit the Golden Temple to seek blessings, says the film involves tricky scenes and that he shudders at the thought of someting unfortunate happening on the sets.

" 'Heroine' entails a huge canvas of around 40 locations in which heavy duty scenes involving massive crowds are to be shot…. Scenes of the actress being mobbed by the crowds… heavy duty scenes of involving hardcore physical exertion…One of the days amongst the only eight days shoot… one of my associate directors while rehearsing for the actress tripped and had a bad fall injuring himself… The terrain we were shooting was rocky.

"Today, when I know the condition of my then lead actress and I shudder at the thought what if instead of my associate she would be the one to be injured; I would have suffered a major guilt throughout my life if anything were to happen to her on my guard and direction," Bhandarkar wrote.

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Heroine